Buffy and Wesley: Parallels

By Cindy

WARNING: This is a real random ramble, because sometimes I can't talk about Wesley without talking about Buffy. And often I can't talk about Buffy without talking about Spike or Faith. So please bear with me.

Min: So, I guess my question/theory/notion is something along the lines of "How much of the Wes we see now (and the Wes we saw in Billy, for that matter) is tied up in the Wes who Faith tortured and tried to break?" We know that there was ruthless streak there already (seen back in BtVS, also in the Ring), but there's ruthless and there's keeping a girl in a cage.

SHORT ANSWER:
The Wes we see now is very tied up in the Wes whom Faith tortured, because there's a very big part of Wes who thinks that torture was nothing more than he deserved.

LONG ANSWER:
Wesley is a lot like Buffy—not in the way that Faith is like Buffy, not like Spike is like Buffy. Wesley is fully like Buffy—light and dark, where Spike and Faith are only Buffy-bits.

DISCLAIMER: Metaphors are very fluid in the Jossverse, even within a single episode. So when I mention any below, particularly the symbolism of slayerhood, I'm not locking myself into the position for all time. I think (Min) knows that, but not sure everyone else does. I'm not going to defend the position I take on slayerhood, right now.

Wesley's childhood contained abuse, at least emotional abuse, which is ultimately where the real, and hard-to-heal damage of child abuse lives. In addition, the fact of his birth from a Watcher's bloodline put upon him some very unfair and heavy expectations. I think slayerhood is sometimes used as (see disclaimer) a metaphor for abuse, and Buffy is, in that sense (not talking about Joyce or Hank as abusers at all) also an abused child. She also is born to a spiritline that's put upon her some very unfair and heavy expectations.

There are certain strengths they both developed, not thanks to the abuse, but because of the strength of the human spirit that lets them cope with the abuse. Among these strengths is compassion. (Buffy's slayer strength isn't a gift of the abuse, either, it's a metaphor for the real coping and survival skills an abuse survivor develops - but I can't go there and stay on this topic, right now.)

You don't get the good without the bad. Both Wesley and Buffy are both also still scarred by their experiences with abuse. Wesley didn't break when Faith was torturing him, because he lived through torture much tougher, by someone who was supposed to love and care for him, when he was much more fragile—when he was a child. I think that experience probably awakened in him, the same dormant thing (demon really, coming back to haunt him) that may have been awakened in Buffy when Angel turned into Angelus in S2.

Child abuse is so very evil, because it convinces the child s/he deserves it. That "I deserved this" feeling is what was awakened in both Wesley and Buffy. And like many people who grow up in conditions of extreme dysfunction, there's a bit in both Wes and Buffy that creates crisis, because crisis is something they now how to handle. And all sorts of growth and healing can and does take place in real abuse survivors, I'm not trying to deny that. But I think a very strong case can be made that in Wesley case (and in Buffy's) that's going to be a lifelong journey. There's a part of Wesley, a part of Buffy too, that responds to the abuse, because our minds sometimes mistake "familiar" for "good".

We have Wesley in Billy and also when he had Justine in the cage, and we have Buffy beating the tar out of Spike in Dead Things and often emotionally abusing Spike (I think he was abusive too—I'm not playing kick-the-Buffy), particularly in season 6. We have Wesley getting involved with Lilah, and Buffy getting involved with Spike—even though for both of them, these partners represent everything the good parts of them hold in contempt. Why? Because they felt they deserved it. When did Wes go to Lilah? He went to her after he did the horrible thing—betraying Angel and unwittingly abetting Holtz in the kidnapping of Connor. When did Buffy go to Spike? She went when she didn't think she should be alive, and more importantly—she went to Spike only once she knew he could hurt her.

We've seen Wesley idealize Fred, to the point where he may not see her flaws, even when they're right in front of him. We saw Buffy see Riley in a similarly undeserved idealized way. We see them both be particularly protective of Angel, because they get all tranferry about Angel. They want him to succeed in redeeming himself despite his curse, because they want to believe they can redeem themselves despite their respective curses. We have Wesley dragging Angel out of the ocean, knowing he might kill him. He even gave him his blood to drink. We have Buffy fighting for her almost-rapist's redemption (because Soul!Spike, to some extent, fills the Angel role in Buffy's life now). She even had his chip removed.

In summary? See "short answer".

Min would like to thank Cindy for letting her archive this post. Cindy is very wise. Also, a peach. For more Cindy wisdom, please visit The Cindy Files.